Day 2 / April 2
I slept better - is that a betrayal? I did look and listen for you in the middle of the night.
Derby still did not sleep in your bed. I'm not sure if that's because she can have our bed to herself or because she knows you are gone. Gone.....
I can't bear to move it though. I can still see you in it - on your back, smiling in your sleep as you dream.
Day 2 has begun my Destin......................................
Derby and I went for a walk without you. Wasn't sure I could do it but I did. You loved your walks - LOVED them. For you it was quantity and not quality. You loved to go, go, go. Derby was always being tugged along. Daddy said you were always at the end of the leash trying to see more.
Today, we took our time. I was proud of myself - I didn't cry until I got home. It was really hard not having your spotted bum in front of me.... your happy smiling face in front of me saying "come on momma".
Your last walk was Monday. You died Friday. Your brain was sick.
Derby has always followed your lead - for 13 years. She won't come out of her kennel without me telling her to after meals - even though the kennel door is open. She looks for you and your dishes since she cleans up after you. It breaks my heart......
You aren't there. Neither are the dishes with your scraps from your food.
But overall the feeding routine just got a lot easier - I feel guilty for feeling a bit of relief about that.
It has always been hard getting you to eat. We had to hand feed you as a baby until you were about six months old. You were so darn picky. It makes me smile thinking of all the kibble you'd leave lying around as a baby. You'd pick up your food and move it to a different spot - but wouldn't eat it. If we hand fed you, that seemed to please you - our little spotted princess.
Daddy is leaving tomorrow for business until Thursday. It will be really, really, quiet and lonely while he is gone. I'll write as much as possible and try not to sink back into despair.
I can't believe Day 2 is coming to an end...
Moved two pictures of you where I can see them. It helps - a teeny, tiny bit.
Derby walked behind the couch - the right way. She doesn't do that - it was your thing. I can't help but think she was looking for you.
I painted my nails a Destin gray today. I'm wearing gray until I don't feel gray anymore.
I love you, Momma